Sharing is caring.

Apologies for my conspicuous absence from this blog - it's starting to look a bit dusty and unloved on here - like myspace. In my defense those episodes of Jersey Shore and Teen Mom aren't going to watch themselves. 
I've been busy being fabulous, of course. You know, doing crazy stuff like getting the sky train, eating ready made meals for one (joke, Mammy I promise I'm eating vegetables) and being in work all the time. Actually I'm just back from the cinema, Drive is awesome by the way and Ryan Gosling.... not at all difficult to watch. I consumed approximately 4 litre of diet coke. My teeth hurt and I had to wee for 75% of the movie and now I cannot even construct a sentence without heading off on another tangent, aspartame is a food group, right? 
So to my main point (I sort of have one), here's the brief,* Lauren my bff came to visit me. She's one of five potential people who actually read this blog (another one being Rachel) and one of the others being a robot spammer who left me a message suggesting retirement villages options in Australia. (I'm actually interested, retirement sounds perfect for me). Sorry this sugar buzz is too much. So for some strange reason both Lauren and Rachel are somewhat obsessed with the coverage they receive on my hugely popular international blog. Lauren's issue of contention however lays in the face time Rachel has received. And mainly the fact that she's never even been featured. After this post she may hark back nostalgically to those days. 

Many may be surprised to learn that Lauren and I spent the long weekend in BC, the outdoor pursuits capital of the world, essentially drinking but Ta-Da... we did. Having someone like Lauren come visit BC was heaven on earth. She's lazy as sin, love to drink wine and is so laid back she's horizontal. Sure we did stuff, but we did it with the least amount of energy we could possibly exert. Besides we were exhausted, those wine glasses we're going to lift themselves. Boozing in the sunshine, getting freckled and sun burnt is tiring. One could also argue that we'd too much to talk about having not seen each other for months upon months. Lucky for Lauren I'd saved up all my chat and proverbially vomited all said chat onto her. Proverbially, what a pretentious word. Chuckle. 
Impressively, with the little effort exerted we still managed to accomplish the following: Shop, chat, drink, chat, shop some more, chat, eat dinner in rosemantic spot over looking the water and city, walk approx. 27 miles. Chat. Get a sea bus. Chat. Travel up a mountain on a gondola, spy wolves from said gondola. Chat. Have a lesbian sit beside us on our romantic journey. Don't chat. See real life bears, be really impressed with said bears. Chat. Happen upon a bird show, be less impressed, decide to have some wine instead. Chat. Walk past a wood chopping show, feign interest, decide on more wine. Chat. See the whole world (or Vancouver at least) from top of mountain. Take photos. Go disco-ing like in the olden days, snog a Canadian. Slur. Hiccup. Chat. Get out of bed after little sleep and haul ourselves with the other peasants through public transport to an island on a ferry whilst still experiencing fragile effects from copious wine consumed. Don't chat. Be continually subjected to loud American's almost everywhere. Listen. Scoff. Try on hideous second hand attire. Laugh. Scoff. Buy said hideous vintage attire. Flirt with hot half Irish half syrian concierge (some of us were better at that than others) and be courted by a dubious Canadian hipster with a penchant for English accents, Kate Middleton look-a-likes, and saving the whales. Laugh. Be talked out of planned whale sight seeing trip not because concern for environment nor whales but rather potential disappointment we might experience from not actually seeing whales and therefore not being able to drink more. Laugh. Be on a ferry again, see a volcano. Chat. Fat app ourselves, laugh. There was a lot of eating in there too but I don't like think about that.
All our chatting lead us to an sauvignon blanc induced epiphany: I have way too many feelings and Lauren is actually dead inside. I feel like these feelings were a result saturn being in venus and sauvignon blanc being in our glasses. Amazingly after 8 yrs of friendship I managed to break Lauren down and open the flood gates to year and years of repressed emotions. Sharing is caring Lauren and I'm happy to say I sent her off on her merry way. Back to single-dom in NYC where she'll probably die alone or at the very least be such an old bride she'll be wheeled up the aisle by one of these "bridesmaids" who apparently "won't be me", which is fine as I'll probably be 6ft under by that stage anyhow and you'd have me in a hideous dress regardless. 
It's been lonely since Lauren left. All my feelings are getting stored up again. It's time for Rachel to visit now. Come soon though, otherwise the Maylee's in for a very long skype. 
So if you were wondering what I’ve been doing instead of blogging, there you have it.
*Never believe me when I say I'll be brief, I'm basically incapable of this.

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